just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
