I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Dear god my vagina.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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