we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
