I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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