The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
