this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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