alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
