clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
