Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
