We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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