the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
