Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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