This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
