Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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