Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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