At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
