Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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