So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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