im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
