i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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