I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
