Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
