Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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