bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
