farters have to be the big spoon...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
