I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
