ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Why is your signature on my underwear?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize