I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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