HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am naked and annoyed.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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