Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
