Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
