You're my little dorito
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You have to summon your inner elephant
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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