Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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