I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
