how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I could fuck to npr.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
