come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
