My Higher Power is John Stamos
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
