I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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