the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
