Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
