Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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