you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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