she woke up with a sticky ear
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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