i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
