i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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