she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Holy shit dude........stairs
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