This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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