Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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