Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize