in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
