My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
PANTIES FOUND
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