I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
