how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize