i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
