do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize