Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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