haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
