i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
