if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
