I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
When did angry sex become our thing?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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