Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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