office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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