He is such a slut. More and more my type.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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