bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize