Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
