meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
