i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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