I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
