i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
