I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
