So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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