honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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