Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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