he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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