Dual....:-)
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
