I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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