ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So many bounce houses so little time
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize